That big pink building

Today I seen the crematorium for the first time.

I was with a very special friend visiting her very very special daughter at the cemetery where I didn’t even realize the crematorium was situated.

I’d never been there, but Albie had been there.

I noticed first that it was big and a pinky orange color, I liked that. In my mind I’d pictured a little grey hall with big metal doors. I’m glad I have this orange building to replace that dark dull image…I wonder if they thought of that when they painted it? 

But as the day went on the thought of that place has not left my mind. However much I play with the little ones, eat a load of good food or even tuck up in bed nice and early hoping to escape my mind…I can’t.

How can a thought and place where something so so sad and final happened ever be a thought that’s able to be processed and accepted? It’s surely too big?

There is not always a silver lining, yes I liked the color of the building, but how many hearts have been broken because people had to go there? I know my has.

And I know it’s not the building, it did not take Albie. It was just caught me off guard seeing it.

I’d never been there, and actually Albies never been there either, by that point in his journey he would have been far too busy checking out his bedroom in the clouds and learning to throw shooting stars across the sky to say hello. 

But that building did do something, it allowed me to take Albie home. 

So that on nights like tonight when I need him so badly and nothing else can help…I can tuck him up in bed with me, cuddle his little silver vase of magic dust (urn is most definitely not an Albie word) til it finally goes warm and know that he’s not at that orange pinky building, he never was. 

He’s tucked right up with me.