Oh April
Hey sweet one Here we are, another April. It used to be such a great month, the month that gave us you. I...
Uncategorized
How can it be?
How can it be? That the roads are still full of cars, people going here and there. How can it be? That school children are...
Mother’s Day in the sky
Hey you, The shops are full of Mother’s Day goodies, I’m sure I will receive some lovely things come Sunday. I hope you...
There’s a monster
There’s a monster out there. It lurks beneath the beds. The beds of children. Every fortnight it pounces, claiming its...
Are you big? Or small?
Sometimes I think of you as big. As this huge force of nature who can make magic happen. At times you are bigger than the...
Who to invite to tea?
Who would you invite to a dinner party if you could meet with anyone in the world? it. The prime minister? Taylor? God? No,...
To my valentine in the sky
My valentine in the sky Sorry I couldn’t send you flowers. Instead I made everyone pancakes. I think you’d like it made...
Always homesick
When I was away from home this week I missed it. I missed baths and home made dinners. I missed all the people...
I’ve been alive 13738 days
I’ve been alive for 13738 days You were not alive for any where near that many, just a tiny fraction of them. Yet somehow...
Hey you
Oh hey there you. You who makes me smile just by saying your name. You who makes me proud and happy and sad all in just one...
Oh the colours you paint the sky
All the colours you paint the sky. I sleep with the curtains open. I like to look out before I fall asleep and first thing...
Before you, and after you
Before you, and after you. That is the definition of time for me. The before you can be hard to remember, hard to capture....
It’s just a room
It’s just a room. What would that room have seen? Sleepovers, studying, dinosaur battles and night time stories....
My first and last
Time is passing Life’s moving…it’s fast, it’s busy, it’s constant. I will now have to add another number when...
I lost my child…today
New year is feeling like a tall task. How can I possibly be excited to move into 2026 when he is stuck in 2023? How can I...
Thanks for the presents kid
Dearest Albie I wanted to say thank you to you. You did not need to send me all these gifts this festive period, but...
Dear Santa…
Dear Santa I’m writing on behalf of someone I know, someone very special. It may be confusing for you. For he will have a...
Feels cold, feels dark
It’s so dark outside. So cold. I’ve never minded before. I like dark nights, closing the curtains and getting all...
Bereaved siblings…but really just siblings
I hear November is bereaved siblings month . I am happy with almost all the things my children want to be. A policeman or a...
Halloween with and without you
Hey Albie 💙 Do you know yesterday was Halloween? I hope you do. I hope you still get endless gummy sweets and the...
When working hard isn’t enough
‘Work hard’‘Aim high’‘Never give up’ That’s what we’re always told. It’s what I always say to my boys,...
Go pop on your hat clever clogs
Hey Albie kid❤️ Guess what…I’ve been looking through your nursery account!I didn’t know it was still there but...
Waterloo Road
A few nights ago I watched an episode of Waterloo Road. I’ve been hooked on that show for years. Angela Griffin as head...
How should a five year old grieve?
The other day I was driving Milo and his friend home. There was lots of normal kid chat going on about the...
BLAW…who’s it for?
Today marks the first day of Baby Loss Awareness week (BLAW). My third one. I actually had to double check that in my head...
I didn’t say it, but I felt it
Hey Albie How are you kiddo? We might be having a storm tonight! I wonder how it feels in the clouds when it’s rainy and...
Hospitals and super heroes
Hospitals are hard.Bhodi had to stay in for a short stay this week and we both struggled.The procedures that made him cry...
That day
Thought a little about whether I should write this or not, maybe it’s my very sleep deprived mind giving me courage to...
Can you do me a favor Albie? Please.
Hey sweetie, Can you believe your little brother is as big as you now?I know you have birthdays each year and officially...
Am I sick?
This morning I woke up and thought I was sick. My body aches, I feel unusually tired still and I’m all breathless. I lay...
Perks of organising the loft
Today’s task for myself was to sort through all the many many bags of boys clothes in the loft. When you have 5 kids that...
Just look at the sparkly lights
Tricky one to write, I wondered if I should share it not wanting to make others uncomfortable. But fear I think is even...
The 22nd of August
Dearest little Albie Today is the 22nd of August, I wonder what you’ve been doing today? I actually remember each 22nd of...
A gift just for us
(Sorry it’s long, too many things to think, might as well say them😅❤️) This week I hear is ‘rainbow baby...
Let’s!
Let’s get a back pack! what do you fancy? Dinosaurs or paw patrol? Maybe you’re too grown up for paw patrol now? I...
Light and dark…or just shadows
‘Where do you find the strength?’ people ask me. Or ‘you cope so well’ I’m told. And yes, perhaps I do, maybe...
Always in my heart (and in my to do list)
‘Please be patient with me. You see, I lost my baby. And while it might seem like a long time to you, for me, it's every...
All in a heartbeat
What a beautiful beautiful sight. This is part of the exact trace of Albie’s heart beat during my labor with him. ...
A sleepy pirate
Guess what Albie… Today we went on a treasure hunt an incredible mum had organised, we had to find all the pirates. You...
Joys of an iphone
14/7/25 Oh hey there my little Albie My phone has started doing this sweet thing where it flashes up with memories of...
Cleaning the damn kitchen
My little Albie I wonder how your days been? I wonder how all your days have been, since you left us, and also when you...
Just breathe
‘Just breathe’ we’re told. That’ll make everything ok Nervous for something new? breathe. Having full on labor...
Auntie Kerri
Your Auntie Kerri should be turning 40 years old today, isn’t that a big number! I hope you managed to get her a...
The longest of days
It’s the longest day today. More time to miss you. More time to do all the things you would have loved to be doing with...
Is it wrong for it still to be beautiful?
It’s a beautiful day here Albie, The sun is shining and you can feel the heat when you step out the door. The gardens...
Rainbows without a storm
Rainbow baby 🌈 that’s what they call a baby after loss. But with that rainbow came for a whirlwind of worries. Not...
The baby race
So much of the time now I’m back in the baby group world I hear people ask… ‘Is he sitting unaided?’ ‘Is he...
Should I have worried more?
Should I have worried about you more Albie? I worry about your brothers all the time, not in a crazy way but in a mum way....
What I needed
Two years ago today was Albie’s funeral. Some parts of the day I don’t remember at all, some parts I remember so...
Before or after?
Was it before Albie? This is something I say so often, not in a big important way, just in a way of gauging when something...
The worlds worst club
I’m told today is Bereaved Mother’s Day. A day no one wants to be parts of. The club that no one wants to...
Perfectly imperfect
I tried to write something nice enough, something meaningful enough, something special enough to signify the huge...
Hey there kiddo
Hey babe! How are you doing little one? I’ve been thinking of you lots lately, I always do but even more so just...
That big pink building
Today I seen the crematorium for the first time. I was with a very special friend visiting her very very special daughter...
Same time, different everything
3 years ago I was bringing home my tiny 7lb newborn.2 years ago I was playing with noisy flashy toys and eating left over...
10 little days
This time two years ago we had only 10 more days with you.We didn’t know that, if we had I wonder what we would have done...
A wonderful simple year of you
In two days you should be turning 3. We would have had 3 whole wonderful years with you. But we only had 1 year. I...
Come to the park with us Albie?
Albie💙 Today we went to the new Whin park! We rode the train, walked round the pond and explored all the new toys. ...
April- The month of you
The month that contains one of the best days of our lives…the day we got to hold your hand and say hello whilst we...
Mother’s Day without one of my babies
Mother’s Day🌼 These type of days though are difficult now. All morning I was just hoping Albie would send me a gift...
Christmas in the sky
I have been trying to picture what it would be like for Albie having Christmas in heaven, usually this helps me to picture...
A modern day Christmas Miracle
Tonight I think a Christmas miracle happened! Not at all in a traditional Christmassy tale kind of way but it’s really...
Alone…but not really
Today was the Held In Our Hearts Christmas service, I was a bit apprehensive to go as I’d be going alone as Eoin had so...
What a good day?
What a good day…shopping with the family, Milo’s friends party and meeting some lovely ladies then chilling in the...
A letter to Albie
♥️A letter to Albie♥️ Hey babe! How are you kiddo? I wonder what it’s like up there? Do you have play...