Just breathe

‘Just breathe’ we’re told.

That’ll make everything ok

Nervous for something new? breathe.

Having full on labor contractions? breathe.

Watching something terrifying like you’re child cycling on their bike so far ahead of you you’re not there if needed? breathe.

Can’t catch a breath while your heart feels like it may burst through your chest? just breathe. 

But what happens if you don’t? Or more specifically what happens if one of the people you love the very most in the whole world does not take that next breath, what if they are not breathing?

Sometimes I sneak a look at the boys while they are sleeping (shh don’t tell the teens!) just laying there breathing in and out. I pray they will just keep doing that,  in and out, for at least a hundred years. 

That alone is my wish for them, oh and maybe that when they wake they smile throughout the day. 

Keep your university offers, sports trophies, and top of class certificates.

Breathing smiling kids. 

What a dream. 

So what does happen when the person you love beyond measure doesn’t breathe?

I think we just keep going-shopping, school runs, paying bills, even smiling. 

We keep breathing, our lungs are working, but my god we are suffocating in pain.

Desperate for air. 

Desperate for you, my sweet Albie.

I promise I’ll keep going, for both of us, for all of us.

And if it all gets too much…I’ll just breathe.