That day

Thought a little about whether I should write this or not, maybe it’s my very sleep deprived mind giving me courage to share things that usually aren’t.
Bhodis day has been great, he cracked his first egg to make a cake (messily).
Made me think so much of this day for Albie.
Two things stand out about that, the day we found our boy had died.
Feel free though to not read and just skim through to the cute picture at the end.

Thing one- there was so so much ‘process’.
I had no idea any of it would happen, like most people I had never considered what happens when a Sudden and Unexplained Death happens.
-Police were all over the house.
-I had to go to the hospital with little Albie alone, Eoin and I hadn’t gave our statements yet so couldn’t go together.

• had to formally identify Albie, even though he’d been with me the whole time.
  -We had to give blood and urine tests within the first few hours.
  -The police had to take away lots of our things. Milo was so confused why we had no duvet to sleep under that night.
  -The statements took ages, I had to give two, exactly the same, all precious time away from my boy.
  -We didn’t know if we could stay in our house til the police finally told us and left at 9pm. We had no idea where we all would have stayed.
  -I was so so petrified that I was a suspect. I did not know all this was ‘normal’ process.

And looking back now I know why most of had to happen, I really do understand, I just wish on that day someone had told me it was ‘normal’ procedure. And I wish I’d had more time to hold Albie instead of being taken for all the statements.

But from the amazing training Held In Our Hearts andSUDC UK are delivering the agencies ARE listening. Things are improving.

Thing two- It was the worst day of my life, without any doubt. But I wonder how we would have got through it without those first responders…
-the 999 operator who so clearly told me how to do CPR. Even though I knew CPR in that moment I’d have had no idea without their help.
-the ambulance staff who tried so hard, even though we all knew it was too late. Maybe they knew I needed to see them still try.
-the police officer who had to stand outside my room while i cradled my baby, he commented kindly on the lullaby’s I was singing to Albie, he was so nice, so human. Not just a uniform.
-the nurse who sat with me for hours in that side room in A&E, she knew I didn’t want Albie lying on that hospital trolly while I did all the statements and blood tests. She held him so cosy and tight, she even got him a little bear.
-and the detectives, who took the call for me when nursery phoned to see if Albie would be in that day. I had no words. His teachers loved him too. They found the words for me.

So those are the things I guess.
Thing one…change is happening where it can. Things will improve.
Thing two…these people probably were not expecting that call to come to our house that morning, to come to a home filled with heartbreak and tragedy.
But they did so with such kindness, professionalism and showed Albie complete dignity.
All whilst probably finding it all pretty damn awful themselves. A very tough day in a tough job.
So if you do that job…or you know someone who does…please tell them from me …thanks ❤️

They won’t remember us, they sadly deal with tragedy so oftern I’m sure. But I’ll never forget them.

There’s a lot of praise when people save a life, but even when the life can’t be saved, those people are still so worthy of the praise for trying, and for being there.

‘And Albie…this wasn’t really your last day, because you weren’t there. You will have been testing out those wings I bet!’