Oh April
Hey sweet one Here we are, another April. It used to be such a great month, the month that gave us you. I...
Tag: Child loss
How can it be?
How can it be? That the roads are still full of cars, people going here and there. How can it be? That school children are...
Mother’s Day in the sky
Hey you, The shops are full of Mother’s Day goodies, I’m sure I will receive some lovely things come Sunday. I hope you...
Are you big? Or small?
Sometimes I think of you as big. As this huge force of nature who can make magic happen. At times you are bigger than the...
Who to invite to tea?
Who would you invite to a dinner party if you could meet with anyone in the world? it. The prime minister? Taylor? God? No,...
To my valentine in the sky
My valentine in the sky Sorry I couldn’t send you flowers. Instead I made everyone pancakes. I think you’d like it made...
Always homesick
When I was away from home this week I missed it. I missed baths and home made dinners. I missed all the people...
I’ve been alive 13738 days
I’ve been alive for 13738 days You were not alive for any where near that many, just a tiny fraction of them. Yet somehow...
Hey you
Oh hey there you. You who makes me smile just by saying your name. You who makes me proud and happy and sad all in just one...
Oh the colours you paint the sky
All the colours you paint the sky. I sleep with the curtains open. I like to look out before I fall asleep and first thing...
Before you, and after you
Before you, and after you. That is the definition of time for me. The before you can be hard to remember, hard to capture....
It’s just a room
It’s just a room. What would that room have seen? Sleepovers, studying, dinosaur battles and night time stories....
My first and last
Time is passing Life’s moving…it’s fast, it’s busy, it’s constant. I will now have to add another number when...
I lost my child…today
New year is feeling like a tall task. How can I possibly be excited to move into 2026 when he is stuck in 2023? How can I...
Thanks for the presents kid
Dearest Albie I wanted to say thank you to you. You did not need to send me all these gifts this festive period, but...
Dear Santa…
Dear Santa I’m writing on behalf of someone I know, someone very special. It may be confusing for you. For he will have a...
Feels cold, feels dark
It’s so dark outside. So cold. I’ve never minded before. I like dark nights, closing the curtains and getting all...
Bereaved siblings…but really just siblings
I hear November is bereaved siblings month . I am happy with almost all the things my children want to be. A policeman or a...
Halloween with and without you
Hey Albie 💙 Do you know yesterday was Halloween? I hope you do. I hope you still get endless gummy sweets and the...
When working hard isn’t enough
‘Work hard’‘Aim high’‘Never give up’ That’s what we’re always told. It’s what I always say to my boys,...
Waterloo Road
A few nights ago I watched an episode of Waterloo Road. I’ve been hooked on that show for years. Angela Griffin as head...
BLAW…who’s it for?
Today marks the first day of Baby Loss Awareness week (BLAW). My third one. I actually had to double check that in my head...
I didn’t say it, but I felt it
Hey Albie How are you kiddo? We might be having a storm tonight! I wonder how it feels in the clouds when it’s rainy and...
That day
Thought a little about whether I should write this or not, maybe it’s my very sleep deprived mind giving me courage to...
Can you do me a favor Albie? Please.
Hey sweetie, Can you believe your little brother is as big as you now?I know you have birthdays each year and officially...
Am I sick?
This morning I woke up and thought I was sick. My body aches, I feel unusually tired still and I’m all breathless. I lay...
The 22nd of August
Dearest little Albie Today is the 22nd of August, I wonder what you’ve been doing today? I actually remember each 22nd of...
A gift just for us
(Sorry it’s long, too many things to think, might as well say them😅❤️) This week I hear is ‘rainbow baby...
Let’s!
Let’s get a back pack! what do you fancy? Dinosaurs or paw patrol? Maybe you’re too grown up for paw patrol now? I...
Light and dark…or just shadows
‘Where do you find the strength?’ people ask me. Or ‘you cope so well’ I’m told. And yes, perhaps I do, maybe...
Always in my heart (and in my to do list)
‘Please be patient with me. You see, I lost my baby. And while it might seem like a long time to you, for me, it's every...
All in a heartbeat
What a beautiful beautiful sight. This is part of the exact trace of Albie’s heart beat during my labor with him. ...
A sleepy pirate
Guess what Albie… Today we went on a treasure hunt an incredible mum had organised, we had to find all the pirates. You...
April- The month of you
The month that contains one of the best days of our lives…the day we got to hold your hand and say hello whilst we...