The 22nd of August

Dearest little Albie

Today is the 22nd of August, I wonder what you’ve been doing today?

I actually remember each 22nd of August from the past 4 years, bizarre I know. 

My phone does a clever cute thing where it shows me this date from previous years. Sometimes I can’t remember much about what was going on in the pictures which annoys me. I wish every memory of you was crystal clear.

But this date…I remember all the feelings so clearly. 

So let me tell you a story, a little tale of August the 22nd’s. Now imagine you are snuggled in close and I’m stroking your tiny amount of hair and we’re holding hands for no reason other than it’s nice to. Your hands are warm again. Are you comfy baby?

A long time ago (feels like forever ago)  in 2021 on this very day we found out we were having you! I got up so early to take the test, then took another one….and another. 

I couldn’t believe I could I be so lucky to be having another little baby, to be having you. Love at first sight exists. Each time I’ve seen those lines appear, I’ve felt it. 

I was so excited to become your mum. I couldn’t wait to meet you. 

Jump forward to 2022 and you were here, where you belong. It was the first day you tried a bottle of formula, you had been enjoying my milk the first four months of your life and you were not a fan of the change of plan to say the least. Looking back I should have scooped you up and let you cuddle and feed all day if you wished. I really didn’t need a few hours off mum duties. How naive I was to not realise every minute of you was more precious than treasure. It was also lovely though to see you get that time with dad and Caden and Jacob. They love you so much too, we all do.

Then somehow just one short year later in 2023 you were gone. Our whole lives had been torn apart. On this day we help our first big fundraiser for you-a quiz full of fun, snacks and laughter. Some people even had to stand at the front and do a silly game to win a prize, oh how you’d have laughed at that Albie.

I think that night may have been one of the first times in the 4 months since you’d left that I smiled and meant it. To see a room full of people smiling because of you-that felt nice. You always make people smile.

2024 came and this part may look fairly unremarkable, but it’s about Milo so I know you’ll love to hear his name. 

Milo got a new big boy bed! It’s white. He loves it but he still wishes you both still shared a room. I bet it would be messy! 

That first night in his big bed he got to take Albie bear for the night as an extra treat, most the time I don’t offer him as I like to keep Albie bear for me to hug (shh don’t tell Milo).

And then today…a whole 4 years later from that day I seen that we were experiencing you, that day I fell in love with you. I thought there would be nothing to say about today and that that would be the point of this story, that life does somehow quietly just keep going. Changing in different ways. That life is fleeting.

That’s all still true. 

But then at lunch time I was blowing some bubbles for Bhodi and the biggest bubble seemed to stay in the air with us for a moment longer than normal. Rainbows sparkled all around it. 

You were with me again.

That baby boy is the point of the story, not that life goes on, not even that life is fleeting. It is of course-forever changing, each part so brief whether that be pregnancy, breast feeding, toddler beds or even you being here on the sofa holding my hand. 

But you are not fleeting. 

You are always here. 

Maybe not in big loud ways or in ways I wished you were but everyday in some way.  

You see I could write these stories about every date of the year (but other people would find that very boring😅-don’t worry I won’t) because everyday theres stages of you-You’ve been a daydream, a real life fairy tale and now my most favorite memory. And I think in some ways you’ll be featuring in my camera role forever. Even just as a rainbow reflection in a bubble. I like that. 

That’s the end of the chapter for tonight Albie, my darling, but this is not the end of the story. It’s just the end of the 22nd of August 2025.

The story of you…that’ll never end.

Through all those changing chapters so far… just so you know…today I still feel EXACTLY the same way I did seeing those lines on the test in 2021…so so lucky to have you and get to be your mum (forever). 

Night night sweetheart

I promise tomorrow we’ll read Tiddler.

Mum xx